I seem to be losing things. In the last 36 hours i have lost three items. I am in an energy flux as i embark on a new phase of my life. As energy shifts some things give way. So i say. Or have i just been tense and distracted and are my losses but a sign – a sign of something,
The first item i lost was my sarong – something i had valued and packed separately so i could use it on the bus across New York state. And i did. But on that trip i entered into a zone of negativity and by the time i arrived my energy was down and i was asking myself did i have what i needed. It was only later that my daypack felt less stuffed, lighter and i wondered what was missing. At first, I figured that was just the lunch i had eaten that was no longer there. No it was too light and roomy, and i realized my sarong was gone. By then i was far away from where i got off and the bus was turned around, back to where i came from.
The second article i lost the next night, after arriving in costa rica - after another long day of travel. But this thing i had not even known was gone. I got in late, and quickly had gone to bed. I checked for the essentials, as i had been disorganized after going through immigration and customs and getting a cab and kept dropping my reservation form at the desk. I had made it in, so now i could try to rest. The next morning, after breakfast, the owner of the hostel where i was staying came forward with my fleece jacket – the cabbie from the night before had come back late, bringing it for me after i had gone to bed. I had left it in the back of the cab. I have not seen him but i thank him. I Had not noticed it gone, but it was. It came back. The night before the when we pulled up to the hostel it looked shut for the nights but the cabbie had waited until someone answered – a blessing. i had been told not to trust them, but this person went out of their way to return something to me.
The third items was my journal. It was a couple of hours before i realized it was gone – but when i came in and sat down here the last time to type and realized that it was not in my pack i panicked, my heart dropped. I searched, back to the hostel, my room, the kitchen not there – a panic – rush out, back to the square where i had last sat, trying to remember what bench i was on, certain that i had written since leaving the last internet cafe wanting a nap. All benches were full and i could not see anything. ”ok its gone” i said, sad, but it was new, not much only written there and perhaps it was best just to let go. I went to the paper store across the street – a long line of people waiting to select the papers, pens etc which were all kept behind the counter and just how would i ask for what i need in Spanish? I say, i doubt it, but maybe it was where i had used the internet, maybe i had not taken it out in the park. I go back, up to the counter to ask and see it sitting there, Gracias, muchos gracias i say, and calmed.
Losses are an inevitable part of life. Some things, people or ways of life may disappear forever. Some may have been gone, but come back before you realize that they were as your mind was somewhere else. Others you will find again, and with the loss you will find what you value. In times of transition losses are inevitable as you make way for the new.
