the paradox of (in)significance

we are so small
yet full of the ¨me¨
even when attempting to dissolve the ego
the me does grow
holding on
gripping even more tightly
afraid of dissolution.

When i look at the ocean, the planet, the large trees
across a flat prairie or desert
at the open sky,
i feel so small
so insignificant
compared to the vastness that is there

and then i look at the blades of grass, the ants that crawl amongst them
the mosquitoes and fish
the leaves and the specks of dirt and sand,
the flakes of snow or drops of rain
and all that is small
but plentiful
and i remember how many of even us humans there are
the story of i becomes small
and then i visit ruins of civilizations that lay before
ruins forgotten and reclaimed
and i think of time
and how i am but a blip
and i feel insignificant
my story one of many

but then i remember
a smile
a cutting remark
received or given
and realize how much power each can have
how a single small action
can manifest
and make a huge difference
even unknown to me.
How the small can be so large
and so powerful
and have such a significant impact.

The paradox of (in)significance.

emptiness

You empty yourself out
letting go
of everything you thought you were
or part thereof
and what remains?
what is there?
fears
dissolve
and the sense of self
that claimed you
engaged you
defined you
and probably caged you.

did you choose to let go
or was it something that was stripped away
by circumstance
divorce, loss of work, loss of …….
and did you really let go?
or did the emptiness come later
or do you still cling
to something
a frayed string that you do not know is there
one that could break at any moment

for a moment it slips
an empty space
free of clutter
you can see through
a blank page
a canvas upon which to draw

what flows through
where to begin
where are the points of reference
now gone from the map
which has been erased
it is blank
how do you feel?
excited?
afraid?
a mixture of both?
confused?
empty?
do the words pour forth
the brush flow along
liberated from all that constrained?
or do you hesitate
not knowing
drawing a blank
unsure of how to proceed
but feeling that you must
not comfortable with the emptiness?

can you sit with it for a while
until the voice does flow
can you sit quietly
do you have the patience
to wait for the light
to feed the small flame
trust that it will emerge
pen a word, paint a stroke
not quiet knowing what you are creating
but having faith?

it grows
slowly or quickly
pausing and the emerging
do you like what you see
can you see
can you keep on without knowing the outcome
a little at a time
or in bold action

or do you waver
when the others ask
what are you? who are you?
define yourself to me
¨i´m not sure¨ not a comfortable answer
though it is the truth for most
if it be told
all in creation

but in frustration
do you force yourself
fight the emptiness
and recreate what was familiar
maybe with different colours or an altered plot
but like the pulp novels the story is predictable
and the outcome is known

or in your determination to let go
to force it out
do you insist that you create something different
not waiting for the voice within
the empty space to fill in its own time
for the true light to emerge
and create frantically
oh so determinedly
trying to beat that deadline
and only in the end
see that the new is so much the same as what was there before.

or are you afraid
to paint again, to write again
wondering if it will too be a cage
bounding you
so you block out the light
and stare out into emptiness
but how long can it last
and what will come into fill the space
if you do not engage.

Write a word
draw a line
create
anew and anew and anew

simple life

I came to write
to write about the people
hard working people
who do gods work
accept their lot
or seek to change
but who seem to live full
in the now
sad eyes are seen in places
but also joy

sweep the floors
the sidewalk outside
keep themselves neat
emerge from small homes
a single bulb
or sometimes more
pressed, combed, shined and cleaned
best face forward
hard workers of the land
buy, sell, drive, grow
make a life
from what is there
not those who are beaten down
but those who do,

work,a part of life
not a rush or a hurry
take the time to chat and smile
it is what you do
not who you are

family, friends
a day at the beach
the morning paper
a coke or snack in the park
a Christmas apple
a bike ride through the street
part of the day
life intertwined

A crowded ride
sweat pours down
a cloth to wipe your face
five across on a school bus
but there is room for more
buy a drink
a snack from those who come to sell
all part of the dance of life

and the dance goes on

have the children
babes in arm
toddlers in hand
watch them grow
all around
to who they are
cycle continues
life goes on

nothing guaranteed
live the moment
food on the plate
roof over head
joy for a moment
the fleeting moment
yet i always seek out more

complicate the simple
always want to know why
to understand
and make sense of what is
and search out the something other
that lingers in my mind
the quest that is endless
and is not simple

and fetishize
a life that is not as simple
as i make it out to be

Give Thanks Each Day

Years ago, when all hung heavily around me  I read about a simple tool and decided to try it for a while. It was to write down 10 things each day that i was thankful for.  At first it seemed next to impossible for what i saw were shortcomings and problems and i found it difficult not to criticize or add a but… At the beginning i would have to force myself and delve inside to find 10 good things. I would not know what to be thankful for and would go for the obvious, the food i ate, the bed i slept in, a sunny day, a public restroom when i desperately needed one. And i often did it without feeling, like the thanks we give to customers when we are working a cash register or when someone opens a door in front of us. At times, when i drew a blank and wrote down those things that i have been told to be thankful for i felt i was telling a lie and wondered it i were really an ungrateful soul. But i persevered and continued to write the words on paper and slowly i began to feel thankful and blessed.  

At first i would feel grateful for some of the grand experiences or things – a spectacular sunset, a majestic mountain, a gift from a friend, an unexpected chance or an answer to my prayers. And then i began to feel thankful when something appeared after an absence or a loss – a warm bed and dry socks after camping in the rain, good health after getting over a cold or a flu, trees flowering in the spring, income and a job after being unemployed and broke, a call from someone after spending too much time alone, time alone after being surrounded by people. For each of these and many more things i was grateful and recognized it – a first – but then i often became blase, took them granted and even began to grumble about the very thing i had been thankful for. And then i would forget to write down 10 things each day. But the lesson came back to me, and i would remember to give thanks each day once again. I finally learned how and it changed my vision of the world.

On those days where the light shines upon us and all those around and we float lightly upon the earth, it seems a simple task for we know there is much to be thankful for – our loved ones, be they near or far, people or pets, a kind word, a blue sky or clouds above, a good book or movie, a conversation overheard, the beauty of a street we walk down or of another’s face, a flower or a leaf on a tree, a parking spot, peace, joy - the list can be endless.  

But on those days where we “just know” that the entire world is conspiring against us, it can be tough – and it is on those very days when all we want to do is grumble that it is the most important to remember to do so – to add thanks to our grumblings. Sometimes we are forced to come up with something - anything. A simple smile from a stranger, that loved one who is presently driving us nuts, a bed to sleep in, food to eat even if it is just rice, potatoes or peanut butter sandwiched and we want for more, for that meal over at the next table. If it is pouring down rain upon us or we are shivering cold, remember the days when the sun shone endlessly and we prayed for rain or a break to the heat. If we were stuck in traffic, we can be thankful for the road, the car or transit, that we have somewhere to go.  Be thankful for that flower, even if it is but a dandelion, for the bird, even if it is a crow, seagull or pigeon, or the insects that buzz around for that is life. The sun, the moon, the stars  above, though they may be obscured, we know they are there. If nothing else seems to work, we can be thankful that we can write 10 things down, the we have a pen, pencil or keyboard,  the ability to read and write, eyes to see, fingers to use and that we are alive.

ur By thanking each day we remember to be grateful, not only on the good days, or when we get something or someone after an absence or a loss but all the time. It can show us what we truly value, and shine light on what we often overlook.  It make us feel more alive. And slowly, we may remember to pause and truly give thanks throughout the day.

For that simple tool i am thankful, for it helped teach me to be grateful and to open my eyes to the beauty of the world. Yes, there are days where i still grumble and complain, but i remember that light is there, and hopefully, i shine it through, even just a bit.

Thank You! 

And in doing so i reframed my vision and my focus.

The journey begins

You look out through the door and towards the path that leads you onwards in the journey through life. You take a step forward, looking towards the light.

For a while the terrain might be rocky with mountains to climb with uncharted paths as you leave the familiar behind. All that you once knew slips away and you find yourself alone. After a while you cannot turn back though comforts tempt you with the illusion of safety in the net. But the stream that you crossed only yesterday has become a raging river with the rains that brought you down and tempted you to crawl on back. For now the river is churning and impassable.

So you journey forward, forget the temptation to camp where you are, waiting for the river to subside so you can run home, or to find away around or over, expending the energy needed to propel you on, building a raft, a bridge, a something, to take you back to the familiar. Do not stop, give into the temptation for the journey is long and the mountains beckon.

On some days you will traverse many miles feet floating above the ground. On others you will struggle to take a step as you cope with the elements – the blazing sun or the chilly rain – wanting to collapse. Take the time to rest for a while, but remember the journey, and remember that even a tiny step is movement along the path.

On the journey, you will find others along the way.  Some who will join you for just a brief moment, others who will stay for a long time or until the end. Some you will re-encounter in many places and other who will try to lead you astray. Rejoice in them for they too join your quest.

Follow your own light, for you will be tempted to take the sun’s of another as your own. As glorious and radiant as their sun’s and stars might appear, know that they are theirs to guide them and your path might be different. At times you might again find yourself alone and feeling like you don’t belong as others  walk upon their way. Don’t hold on in a desperate grasp, attempting to block their paths, or turn your back or stomp off in anger and resentment, but wish them well, rejoice in the times you shared, smile and be on your way.

There will be those who try to convince you that their path is the only way, that there is but one road. Follow your heart, it will guide you true. It can be scary for so many have given up when the nights are long, when fog or clouds block the sun. They will try to convince you that this is it, the best we can hope for on this plane of existence. They do not understand why you struggle on for the road can be lonely and the pitfalls can be deep, but you must keep on trekking before you fall asleep.

There are some who have found their home, they will call you and you will be tempted to call it your own. You may visit and linger for a while, and in their brightness you may start to smile, but if the calls start whispering and begin to scream, remember that you are but a visitor and follow your dream. Appreciate their hospitality with gratitude, but do not overextend your stay.

We all will find our home, that which lays within. When you have found a place to be for a while, open your doors to those on the path, take them in and shine your life through.

Our journeys may be internal or external, they may cover vast terrain or only a short distance for each of our journeys is unique for life itself is a journey .

Light a candle

How many times can the heart be broken
before it can be fixed no more?
How many times can its life be silenced
before it beats no more?
How many times can you refuse to listen
before you become permanently deaf?
How many times can you run away
before you lose your home?
How many times can you silence yourself
before you become forever mute?
How many times can you shut out life
before you are dead inside?

I will light a candle each and every day as i walk along my path
and with each candle that glows
the light will grow
Every flame no matter how small, serves to illuminate the path ahead.
I am a candle that glows in the dark,
one of many along the path
A candle the shines a light for all to see.

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