I feel that i have lost my way
on this journey i know not where i go
eyes do not brim with joy
or voice speak with enthusiasm
the critic comes out
and i do not seek forward anything
i do not know why i come
or where i go
but i do not have a place
to which i can return
no roots
no base
as i have moved around for so long
never building up where i am
lord i cannot carry my pack much more
it is overloaded and bulky
and my back is giving out
lord i am not that string
i long for a home i do not have
i do not know how to create one
to build one up
i do not know how to do it alone
and this pain filters out.
I feel so alone
i am alone
i know that god is there
but i need arms to embrace me
someone to love me
to tell me that i am good
and ok
that i am wanted
and not a burden
or someone who would be acceptable
if only i were fixed
that i am too damaged to be involved as i am
i pack my bags again today
move along on this journey
cut off so much
no place to return to
no place called home
and i no longer believe
that it will ever appear
i cannot do it alone
i need someone to hold my hand
and hug me when i am afraid
will i ever have a place to stay
even here the 30 days
how to commit
to build up
instead of spread my poison and destroy
but when this loneliness creeps up
as it often does
all comes crashing down
this loneliness i have lived with for so long
i do not remember a time it was not there
i smile and say i am independent
but i need to smile for real
to no longer be afraid
lord
i want to go home.
lord, light a candle for me.
